I just learned that the ocean is possibly a LIVING THING. They haven’t “proven” it yet but it’s got all the systems we do. That’s when “BALANCE”, hit me in the face like a rouge wave. Now that I can breathe again I realize that I need to stay focused on my balance. Of course because I don’t want to fall, anyone with MS knows, “the fall” is one of the first steps (HA!) towards losing something I was gifted with when I was born, walking. When I had a specialist she’d ask the same questions like clockwork and always “any falls?” would be a standard one. Monetizing things is hard for me. I don’t really deal in quantities. This is how I know that the western medical path is not for me. I kept saying stress was what caused each of my relapses.  Crickets… followed by “no it’s not”. Its only no because it can’t be counted, measured or stirred so I guess  western medicine can’t explain or cure it. I doubt there would be a pill version of a cure for me anyway.  I’m truly the only one who knows what the fuck is going on in here so why should I hire someone else? Give them my time and money? I was given no consideration like I’m NEW TO THE GAME! I’ve been in this body for 35 years so I know a little bit. I get it though. How can you stop something you can’t measure?

Balance. I am trying to dig in and figure out who I am, what I want and why I’m here. These are not questions that can be answered by anyone else. I’m it. So I’m digging in. Maybe that’s why I’m looking forward to gardening? Taking waste, SHIT, and turning it into food. The Circle of lions that Disney sang so much about is REAL. In order to recycle the waste like stress and fear I have to balance them. The problem is I normally hide from both foxhole style expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I hide but ready for attack. In my MS terms that’s of course my immune system being deployed too heavily. I’ve been living like a drill Sargent telling my body to be on guard. Dishing out unreasonable requests. “Fight that stupid cold like you MEAN IT!” I’ve done this for years. When I’m hit, I fight back with all I got.  I think its deeper than that for me. Strike that, I KNOW its deeper. Isn’t that just it though? Everything I just said. BALANCE. For me that isn’t about diet, exercise and a clean surface. NOT AT ALL. I am deep cleaning. There are a lot of things in here that need to be removed. There are even more things in here that need to be dusted off and I’ll finally install some track lighting to let them shine. Looks like the choreless housewife better find some rubber gloves…