I think the only way to describe this, how I heal, is that I purge. I purge when it comes, I don’t look for it, that’s for sure. It involves tears and loud crying and forward motion. What is here in this choreless life is a whole lot of vomit, word vomit. Like my body, it seems my mind knows that it has to get rid of what is inside of me, what could be hurting me, what I need to say for myself.

Knowing that a purge won’t be easy, sometimes it’s downright painful, sometimes it’s infuriating. I don’t want to puke! Who does! I’m not a fan of the fact that I have to stop life to purge but the further I go the more I realize it has to be.

My whole life I tried to be a “normal” girl. I’ve never wanted the lows I hit, I didn’t ask outright for them, they come, they have to, I have no choice really. And now that I’ve had time to settle into this choreless life and fall in love with the “weird” girl that I’ve always been.