I swear I walk past any mirror and forget to look. I don’t look at my face at all. For example, as I was getting ready to head out for groceries I noticed a giant black smudge across my face! HA! I laughed for a good ten minutes thinking “good thing I actually looked at myself today.” I really have no interest in my reflection. What I see makes me laugh. It doesn’t matter really? Does it? Does it matter what I look like? Unfortunately, the answer is YES. My reflection is everywhere, I just refuse to see it. Well I used to forget, but now I see it. I looked and what did I see? A huge black smudge mark, yes technically from the wood stove, but a war-paint like smudge right across my face.

I see my reflection now but not in the mirror, in life, in every person I interact with or see. If they strike a negative note with me then I know now that I need to step back from them and think about why I feel that way. Nine times out of ten it’s because they posses something that I can’t STAND about myself. I see them because they are me. The same goes for the positive, I accept that about myself so that looks good to me! What I’m starting to see now is that I do need to look in the mirror every day. Even when I don’t want to face myself. ESPECIALLY when I don’t want to face myself. “You are of no use to anyone until you are right with yourself.” Said our friend while in Puerto Rico. I want to be of use to others so I look at myself now. I see the good, the bad, the beauty and the evil. Everyone has all of these things and it’s about time I allow it. I’m allowed to be human, I’m allowed to take my time, I’m allowed to be horrible, I’m allowed to be great. I wasn’t allowing myself anything but now I see that it works against me more than with me. So I’m going to continue to take a LONG HARD LOOK at my reflections, sometimes I’m going to wipe off my war paint, sometimes I’m going to embrace the smudge, I’m going to see myself in everything and everyone. I see myself now and she’s not as bad as I thought she’d be!