Sometimes I feel like I’m at war. Mostly with myself but I also go to war everyday to fight for my boundaries, both professionally and personally. I actually woke up the other day feeling happy. HAPPY. Imagine that!  Happy. So I said it out loud. “I’m happy”. I’m not afraid to say it out loud anymore. I’m happy. I do see despite this positive realization I of course thought this is kind of tragic. Isn’t it? At 35 I’m happy. Finally. I feel like it doesn’t make sense given the fact that I was diagnosed with MS a year and a half ago. Happy? Now? Yeah, just like life isn’t it, not making sense… For the first time I am focused solely on myself and my partnership. I’m focused on my life: what it looks like, what I want from it and who I am.

Do the wars ever end? No, I imagine. I think one of my biggest battles occurs when someone I care about has an issue/tragedy or frustrates me in some way. I find it nearly impossible to not get involved or “help”. “Help” because it doesn’t really help them, its designed to make me feel better, not them. I’m “helping” aren’t I? It then consumes my thoughts and poisons me if I let it. I will say that I am starting to win this war. I’ve finally let go and am in a place where if someone needs me, my opinion, my beliefs, my support and anything else from me, they’ll ask. I think one of the greatest lessons that MS has gifted me so far, is the ability to ask for help when I need it.